Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows

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strangeness *warning some of this is very disturbing*

Do not read this next paragraph if you are squeamish!!! Skip to the second paragraph.

Today was a very different different kind of day. It started off with me witnessing a person who shit themself (literally and this is no joke, I'm still feeling nauseous just thinking about it) getting on the bus and then proceeded to let a nice bit piece roll out of their pants onto the bus floor. At first I couldn't believe what I was seeing... I was in shock...especially seeing as that person had been right in front of me. He then went and sat down in a seat and I saw his hand was covered in more shit. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. I was actually in denial for a few seconds thinking that couldn't happen...people don't just shit while walking and getting on buses... and then the smell hit me. I've never been that close to throwing up without actually having a stomach virus. Needless to say, the bus driver had to get everyone off the bus and go out of service. I couldn't believe how traumatized I was by this event... I still am... in fact at some moments I swear I can still smell it. This feeling of sheer disgust and physical nausea was also met with a feeling of pity. I felt so sorry for this guy, who seemed to be an older gentleman, well dressed but perhaps in need of help. I hope he gets some. In any case, I got to work late and was feeling so ill that I barely got any work done. I couldn't shake the feeling/smell/memory. I kept washing my hands and checking my shoes/clothes to make sure I didn't have any on me... it was very nerve racking.

I tried to do my personal healing ritual again last night. I'm supposed to do it once a week... unfortunately, after everything was set up, the circle was cast and I was halfway through the ritual I found out that my milk was no longer fresh. It wasn't sour yet, but it was a little off. It really ruined it for me... so I'm going to redo the ritual at some point seeing as the visualization of milk drinking didn't seem as powerful to me.

I finished CUNT today. I really liked it, though there were some parts that I found a tad annoying. Some of the annoying parts were cleared up a bit in the afterword anyway. It's a really great book in my opinion and I think I've gained a lot of good ideas and thoughts from it. I'm really glad my friend Hazel pointed it out to me in the bookstore. She knows that CUNT is my favourite word, so it was a no brainer that I had to see this book.

I'm so glad that it's finally the weekend. It's not that this week was all that bad but I still don't feel 100% and I find that makes weekend relaxation something that I can really use at the end of the week. With any luck maybe I'll even get some of my chores done! I find it's a viscious cycle when I get run down... I get run down, I don't want to cook, I have less energy cause I'm not feeling well, I dont' want to clean cause I have no energy, I get annoyed/frustrated/depressed cause everything is so messy and disorganized... I'm sure you can see the pattern.

I've also been trying to write prayers/poems to the Goddess and coming up agains a block. Not sure why really... maybe I'm trying to hard, maybe I'm not focused enough... maybe I have too much else going on in my head right now...who knows, but I'm hoping I can at least get a prayer of worship or gratitude together at some point in the near future.

I know there were a few other things that I was thinking of writing about but I can't remember what they may have been at this point, so that will have to be another entry if I remember.

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