Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows

  • Mood:

Something's wrong

Something is really off with me today. It started this morning and disappeared for most of the afternoon but now it's back. It's that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach that I get when I'm really worried/embarassed/guilty/upset about something. I can't quite put my finger on what's causing it but it has me a bit concerned (largely because I'm having trouble falling asleep as a result of it). Of course if that wasn't enough, I have a migraine that I'm having trouble shaking. (go figure) Anyway... like I said I don't know what's wrong with me but the feeling is so strong that it's making me nauseous. It could be an anxiety attack I suppose... I used to get them when I was a kid... but again, I don't know what's causing it, which makes it hard to fight. On the one hand I've been feeling a lot calmer lately. I've been feeling more at peace and relaxed in my room since I've been keeping things a bit tidier, so I'm a bit shocked by the suddenness and intensity of this negative feeling. Part of my brain is telling me that I'm suppressing something... another part of my brain is just telling me I'm hungry (but strangely I don't feel like eating). I'm sure it's nothing to really be concerned about but when I get these feelings my mind always seems to want to start jumping to all sorts of wild conclusions.

In other news I finally got to see my dentist and he filed my filling down. It was VERY painful as he didn't use ANYTHING to numb my mouth at all. I really don't think just filing is going to help since it's painful just to touch, but we'll see.

I'm also going to see an acupuncturist tomorrow (recommended by Hazel). I was supposed to go on Tuesday but they had a cancellation for tomorrow morning so I'm going tomorrow instead.

Last but not least, I'm thinking of dropping my summer course. I'm starting to feel like I really should have taken a break from classes. I think the 3 weeks of working full time while trying to get homework done and go to classes is still affecting me. I have an exam on Wednesday that I'm not even close to ready for. I like the course but I just don't know if I can do it. I don't want to have to fight my way through another course like I did last semester (even if I do like this one better). Of course just the thought of dropping the course makes me feel like a failure/quitter/drop-out... not good. I know I should be easier on myself but if I can't even handle ONE summer course I'm in big trouble. I mean, I'm back to part-time... what's my problem?! *sigh* I haven't decided what to do yet but I'm sure I'll figure it out soon enough. I have until about mid July to drop without penalty.


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