Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows

  • Mood:

Rambling and Ritual

I got home from work today, watched TV for a bit and proceeded to fall fast asleep until 9pm when ladydogstar called to get a friend's cell phone number. I'd been having interesting dreams about going to a swimming pool and swimming and there was someone there who I had sex with (a man who I believed to be my ex, but was not quite him). It was weird because the sex didn't actually happen in the dream, it was a dream memory... like I remembered we'd had sex in the dream...and then I got all these pictures that were black and white but negative images. They looked really neat! They were all nudes of me and some of the two of us embracing. The cool thing was it was very close to the mundane me in the pictures... rolls and all. The one difference was that I had long hair instead of my shaved head. I've been giving some serious thought to letting my hair grow out again and I've been really flipping back and forth... after seeing this dream it really makes me want long hair again... well down to my shoulders anyway.

I finally got around to doing that ritual I've mentioned in at least one previous entry. It was shorter than I had expected, but I think it went well. I'm going to be doing it a few more times with slightly different purposes but the same format.

I'm also searching for my God and Goddess. For now I'm just calling the Mother and Father or Horned One, but I'd like to have something a little bit more than that... it seems a bit too impersonal to me. It's like someone calling me the bald headed one or big breasted one. I've been considering Aradia and Cernunnos, but I hate the idea of mixing pantheons. I almost wish I knew of a God and Goddess who were completely Wiccan and not borrowed from somewhere else. I'm sure I'll figure it out at some point, it will just take some searching and I can deal with that. At least I have a direction now and something I can actually work with that sings to me and resonates in tune with my soul.

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