Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows
kaleekolai

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Melancholy and more

I'm not eating well these days...in fact, I've noticed that I'm going quite a long time without eating and then when I do eat, I'm often not making very good food choices. I don't know what's gotten into me. Last night however, I grabbed my indoor grill and made some chicken. Enough for a couple of days. Unfortunately pretty much all of my vegetables that were in the fridge have gone bad, so chicken was pretty much all I had. Even though I had that chicken already cooked this morning, I still didn't bring it to work or have anything to eat for breakfast. Yesterday I did the same thing, no breakfast, no lunch a snack when I got home and then chicken. It's almost as if I have no desire to eat. I don't understand it. I actually had to make myself get a bowl of soup for lunch, which I am practically forcing myself to eat, otherwise I probably wouldn't have eaten anything until I got home tonight.

People at work are noticing that I haven't been myself lately. I didn't realize it was that obvious. I seem to think I'm hiding it better than I apparently am. I don't know what's wrong with me...ack! I don't even know why I'm posting this...

I also went to pursue that little ray of hope that I'd alluded to the other day. Looks like more rain. I think I ended up making myself more depressed...and yet at the same time more determined.

Speaking of determination, I actually spent a good half hour in my "inner sanctum" room last night. Two days in one week! I think that's a new record. I spent some time writing, meditating and trying to come up with some ideas for the UTPS ritual I'll be doing soon. I also got another good half hour or more of walking in today. I'm hoping to keep this up. One day at a time.

A friend of mine also told me today that they were upset about something they've done...the way they've portrayed something. I want them to know that it's ok. They still mean a lot to me and I'm glad to have them as a friend. *hugs*

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