I left for work late this morning. I just couldn't get into the swing of things. Then an older man on the bus asked me if I believed in Jesus. I knew I didn't want to get into a stupid conversation about religion but I knew I should say something so I said yes. Which is true to an extent... I believe he was a person who lived on the Earth about 2000 years ago. To my surprise the guy just said "good" followed by "he's coming back soon, eh?"...to which I could do nothing but nod and smile. I had about 100 cheeky remarks run through my head, but I didn't want the conversation to continue any further.
Today was a day for music though... I had a cover of Crazy Train running through my head all morning.
Work wasn't any better. Some of the programs on my computer were messed up and I had to get that fixed. We have a new program for taking orders that is still buggy and I was just feeling stressed overall from everything else lately. It seems that so much has been going on these past few weeks that I can't even put my finger on any one thing. I feel like my life is going out of control and I don't know what to do about it. But then again I haven't really tried to do anything about.. my lack of ambition or drive lately has extended to the point where I'm not even doing anything about my own life. Well I did want to do a ritual that might have helped but that's just another way I've let myself down...by not acting on it. It doesn't help that there isn't a spot in my apartment that isn't completely cluttered and therefore lacks any element of sacredness. I can't even put up my goddamn altar because of the mess and I really want to! Even a small temporary one!! So here I am constantly letting myself down by not doing the things I want to do or have to get done and it just makes things worse. I'd like to say that I need to find away to get myself out of this slump, but in truth I need to find a way to get myself motivated enough to find a way out of this slump. Figure that out.
More ranting to follow after work I'm sure.