Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows

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Dear Journal...

I'm really sorry that I haven't written in you since June... I mean JUNE!! What happened?!

Okay, so a lot happened. J-boy and I have split up. I wasn't happy anymore and it didn't look like things were ever going to change. I'd settled on ending things and making the decision to do it felt right. It also felt scary.

It just kind of happened one night when we had a fight that I finally marshaled up the courage to tell him it was over; I was leaving him. The initial response I got was "you can't leave fast enough". Well, turns out that may not have been the truth but it sure made me feel that I'd done the right thing.

So, I started looking for my new home and found a place that I just fell in love with. J-boy on the other hand, didn't seem to be doing so well ... eventually we had it out about how we both felt. That was when the first bit of doubt started to creep in. I was second guessing myself and the decision to split up. Maybe we'd just needed to talk. I stuck to my guns though. I pretty much had to because I'd already gotten a new place that I really loved and paid my last month's rent on it...but I felt confused and uncertain for a few days, wondering if I had made a terrible mistake.

The feeling did pass after a few days and once I started getting stuff moved in to my new place (a million thanks to C & J and Eumelos for all their help) I started feeling even better. I feel wonderful in my new place. Even with the tons of boxes that are piled everywhere, this is home and it is a happy home.

Before anything got moved in, C & J came over with me and we did a house cleansing and blessing. C took care of most of it, leading me through parts for me to do. It felt good to start things out on a positive note like that. After we finished, we unloaded the bed they were nice enough to give me, and I was able to see just how much space I had. I couldn't believe how big my room was. It's always hard to gauge just how much space you have until there's some furniture in there to give it perspective.

With the help of Eumelos's ZipCar membership and C & J's little SUV, I had everything moved out by the end of Thanksgiving weekend. I couldn't have done it without the help of all of my friends.

The weekend that we finished everything up was a bit rough for me. I stayed up really late working at packing and felt like I was getting nowhere. C & J came and took charge the next day, getting me all packed up and moved out. The worst it got was about midway through the day when I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. I sat down for a few minutes, took some deep breaths and kept at it. The support from everyone (even my friends who weren't able to be there but I knew would be if they could) really pulled me through.

It feels so good to be in my new place. I love it here and I haven't felt this happy and positive in a really long time. Being in my little basement apartment with Apalala-Lizard-Face makes me incredibly happy.

I am overjoyed.
Tags: move, new apartment

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