kaleekolai

I seem to be having such a weird time these past few nights. I'm staying up much later than I should, unable to fall asleep. I have weird dreams which isn't that abnormal, but causes me to wake up feeling unrested. I also realized tonight after going for a walk with a friend and shooting the shit that I have way too much running through my mind right now. My brain is probably short circuiting or something. It took so much for me not to just break down and cry... and I hate being a downer, but it was good to just bitch for a bit.

I also wanted to get a few things done today and didn't get them done. That tends to make me feel a bit low too because I almost feel as though I've let myself down... again. I keep saying that I'm going to take my life into my own hands and smarten up but I always end up slipping back into my old habits. The more it happens the worse I feel. It's at the point where I've almost convinced myself that I just can't stick with anything, so I either don't try in the first place or give up. I can't really explain why this happens to me, and it is frustrating for me because I don't want to be like that. I want to be ambitious and passionate about at least one or two things, and I want it to last for more than a month!

Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore... other days I'm just fine. Of course all the crap seems to hit the fan at the same time, doesn't it?