April 15th, 2009

Hiding

Another one of those Ugh! days

I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been hit in the back of the head with a two by four. I let work know I wasn't feeling well and promptly passed back out. At one point, I remember being vaguely aware that I might actually throw up from the pain before passing out again. It bothers me that my body does this. I was fast asleep, having crazy almost nightmarish dreams until 3pm! I can't believe I slept that long but sleeping seems to be the way that my mind and body cope with this.

Most of dreams had to do with travel. I remember traveling across what was supposed to be Quebec but it was filled with these incredible mountains and forest unlike any I've actually seen in Quebec. I kept trying to remind the people that I was with (mainly my assistant manager from work) that it was like the trip to Switzerland that we'd taken with work (referring, as far as I can tell, to another dream I'd had). The crazy thing is that I'm recalling more of the "Switzerland Dream" now that I'm awake. The mountains are what made it so similar. We seemed to be getting lost or running away from things in the dreams, which was odd because I don't know what we were running from. I tried to look at a map when we figured we were lost and it was like a regular book, with the road maps facing different ways on each page. One page North would be pointing to the left side of the page and on the next it would be pointing to the top of the page. I couldn't figure it out.

Another part of the dream involved us stopping at this tourist attraction. It was the ruins of an incredible stone house that was full of stairs and strange levels. Some of the stones looked like they had Egyptian glyphs on them, or at least trying to have that style. They were dark and grey stones. The building was set deep in a forest. I remember seeing the remains of an iron frame for a set of double doors. The most interesting things for me was the fact that there were lobsters everywhere. Right when you entered the ruins, you went down a set of stairs into a watery basement. It was here that every surface above the water was covered in lobsters. I scurried back up the stairs, wanting to avoid the lobsters and there was a section of the building where a little souvenir stand had been set up. It had postcards, trinkets and books but no one to sell them to you. I remember some of the books were on interesting topics but I don't recall what they were.

I'd also had several of my "typical" anxiety dreams earlier in the night. Mainly based on the idea that J-boy was unhappy with me or didn't want to be with me. I hate those dreams. I wake up from them feeling incredibly hurt and paranoid that they are point to the truth. What's bizarre is that things have been a lot MORE loving and kind between us for several months but these dreams shake me up so much that I end up questioning it all. It's enough to make a person crazy.

I know there were lots of other weird things in the dreams, like finding J-boy with his samurai sword killing monsters in a field after he'd left me. I was on a tour bus and asked them to stop it because I needed to get off. The driver said "Finally" as if everyone on the bus knew that I shouldn't be there but that I should rather have been with J-boy. I remember driving around a number of small towns and walking down gravel roads. I remember driving on a road that had been slightly flooded over and was covered in little bits of green pond scum. It was beautiful to look at.

I'm prone to vivid dreams, so this is all pretty usual for me. I only wish it didn't have such a strong impact on my waking mind. Waking up and feeling like your partner hates you is not fun.
Pensive Author

Late night inspiration - Circle Casting

Why is it that inspiration seems to strike most often right before I fall asleep? You know, it's that moment when you're lying in bed, all snug and cozy, just about to drift off and BLAMMO, you're struck by creative genius. This is what happened to me a couple of nights ago. I'd already stayed up later than I should have and was having trouble falling asleep when words starting running through my head. I'd been starting to drift off and knew that I had to get up and write.

So, at 2am I found myself sitting on the living room couch, scribbling furiously. I've been wanting to write a circle casting for a while now (it's on my list of goals) and that's what was running through my mind. I got a good first draft of it down before heading back to bed. I did some tweaking yesterday and I think I've got something that I'm quite pleased with now. I even tried it out in the living room to see how it flowed. The length seems to be just about right and I like the way it sounds when I speak it out loud.

I'm pretty excited to have it finished because I find it really helps me focus my thoughts (as I knew it would). I can't wait to try it out with friends!