April 6th, 2006

For the love of essays

I'm finally starting to feel better after my asthma attack on Tuesday. I didn't realize just how bad it was until it was all over. It took me the full day on Tuesday to recover and I also stayed home and took it easy yesterday. The most activity I did was laundry and a bit of tidying in my room but even that was a bit of a strain. I also spent a ridiculous amount of time playing video games but managed to get one of my two essays written up. It was the easier of the two - the one on my Buddhist experience - and most of the information was pulled directly from my journal. It's actually half a page longer than it should be but I think that I'm going to leave it as is with the exception of another read through and some minor editing.

I'm rather pleased with the way it has turned out and I'm hoping that it's what my professor was looking for. He told us that he wanted us to get the experience of Buddhism this semester and to write a "journal style" essay about it, so that's what I've done.

He's given us the option to hand it in tonight or, if we need the extra time, to hand it in next week. I think that I'll probably just hand it in tonight since I have it finished and can't add anything without going way over the page limit.

I haven't even started the other essay and I know that it is going to be harder for me to write than this one was. Thankfully, as I reread the book that I'll be writing on, I'm coming to understand the question more clearly. The only problem is that this essay is due on Monday and it's a very hefty penalty for lateness, so I have to make sure I get it done on time. It's going to be really tight since I have class tonight and my Reiki course from 10-6:00 on Saturday. I'm planning on bringing my laptop to Jboy's with me this weekend so that I can work on it while I'm there and still get to spend time with him.

[Living Buddhism] A modest update

I'm still trying to stick to my eating schedule but have been struggling with it because of being sick and often just feeling drained in the evenings. I've only eaten a full meal a few times but generally find a smaller snack suits me just as well if I really need something in the evening. I'd like to try and avoid the evening snacking as much as possible though.

My asthma attack had a rather interesting "side-effect" to it the other day. I was able to attain complete focus on my breathing. In fact, I couldn't think of much else... other than fear for my life, which I think in some sense defeats the whole purpose but not so much that I wasn't able to recognize the feeling of complete focus. For the most part, all I could think about was to keep breathing. I was acutely aware of the feeling of my breath straining to get into my lungs and then leaving my lungs again. I was very aware of the pain in my chest as I struggled to force as much air into my lungs as possible and I was also aware of my own mortality. There were a few moments where I thought I might die, that I might not make it to the hospital in time. I felt my "attachment" to my self very strongly that day and wonder how people are able to break that attachment.

This morning I was able to wake up and get ready for work pretty well on schedule. I got just under seven hours of sleep and feel very well rested. I'm sure it helped that I took it pretty easy yesterday but I think it also helped that I felt like I got a lot accomplished and slept soundly. I always start to feel tired after lunch though. I guess it's the food hitting my system.