February 14th, 2004

Epiphany

I had a path open before me last night thanks to a conversation with Beith and C.
A way that had previously been barred by tangled vines and broken trees became cleared and I was able to see the path clearly. The fog and darkness that had been plaguing my mind is gone now and I feel free.

We were talking about paganism and our different beliefs...as we often do... and we got on the topic of ecclectics and such. I mentioned that I haven't really been comfortable taking a step in any direction because I had grown afraid of inadvertently "insulting" or "showing disrespect" to the gods. This was a feeling/idea that I'd actually gotten through discourse with another individual who made me question a lot of my beliefs. For this I am grateful because it got me to look hard at what I was doing, make sure it was consistent, make sure I wasn't just following the herd. BUT it also damaged my beliefs in a way because of the way it was presented. It was presented in such a way that indicated the way I had previously been doing things was wrong, inaccurate and pretty much not something the gods would like. It took a bit of time to realize that this individual has taken his religious beliefs so far towards academics that he has lost (in my opinion) a lot of the personal, deeply spiritual, mystery of religion/spirituality. Even after I realized this, it wasn't enough to "fix" my own beliefs because I agreed with some of what this individual had said, but I couldn't figure out where the line was. How can I make sure I'm approaching these gods in a respectful way? Do I have to make sure I read up on each one of them and how they were worshipped historically, what they symbolized in the culture, etc? Last night I found my answer and finally feel ready to rebuild the bridges with my gods.

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In other news, I went to my first Roman ritual led by my roomie Eumulos. It was interesting and really good for his first Roman style ritual. A few bumps along the way, but that's to be expected. It was fun and I'm glad I did end up going. He was also really happy that I went, which made me feel good.

Today... I'm going to try to get more of this cleaning stuff done. Wish me luck! I'm sure I'll need it!
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