Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows

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Strange feelings

I'm in a really strange mood right now. Like I'm on the verge of feeling several different emotions at once... deleriously happy, immensely sad, angry, powerful, giddy... like I said it's strange. It's almost like it's flipping around from different emotions, like I'm experiencing something but my mind doesn't know how to respond so it's just going through all the different emotionally reactions it's familiar with.

I've been reading Phyllis Currot's "Book of Shadows" and really enjoying it. It's not as "fluffy" as I was afraid of. I do flinch a bit at some parts, but overall it's pretty interesting. It's also making want to develop my own innate abilities, whatever they may be. Some days I can almost feel them, just below the surface, trying to break forth from the depths of my soul, but not quite able to. I believe it will happen at some point, but not for a few years yet.

I think I have a habit of getting really introspective late at night. I'm starting to feel more and more alive each day... more like myself somehow. The days that I'm able to stay up this late make me feel this sense of self. When I find myself feeling tired halfway through the day and going to bed early it really bothers me. Partly because I'm sleeping too much of my life away and partly because I sometimes feel so out of it that I'm missing everything even when I am awake. But when I'm up late, it's all different. I can't describe it because I don't really understand it. Maybe it's the quiet that comes with the late hour... maybe it's the dark... who knows. I just know I enjoy it. Even when I feel down I feel more alive at this time.... did I mention that I'm also more prone to rambling incoherently at this time of night??


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