Goth face

Life is good

I've been off of my anti-depressants for two and a half weeks now and feel better than I have in years. I decided to stop seeing my shrink and get off the pills after a rather intense meltdown one Sunday. It was a breaking point and a turning point for me. I realized in that moment of extreme emotion that I wasn't getting any better on the meds, in fact, I'd gotten worse. I think I needed to take the step and trying the shrink/meds because it gave me hope initially but the meltdown made me see that nothing would ever change with meds alone.

You see, most of my stress, anxiety and depression comes from my own thoughts. My mind creates doubts, worry and nightmares. If I'm not dealing with these thoughts, how is medicine going to make me feel better? I needed to deal with my mind and why it was leading me to this state of misery and negativity.

I have to honestly say that it was Jboy's love for me that pulled me into a state of clarity. Having him hold me tight, tell me how much he loved me and let me know that everything was going to be okay, exposed my fears for what they were... creations of my own mind. His reaction at that low point, when I was at my worst, was in such sharp contrast to the fear in my mind (fear that he didn't care about me or love me and that he would leave me because of my emotional swings) that I saw and knew the falseness of my thoughts and fears with a clarity that was almost overwhelming. It was a feeling and thought that I held on to that next week as I stopped my meds - cold turkey.

Any time my mind tried to slip back into it's old state of insecurity and fear, I immediately stopped myself and gently reminded myself that I am loved and that the things I often fear never come to pass.

I had a great week but had another meltdown on that next Sunday. It was a bad one, perhaps my worst. I conquered it, Jboy stuck with me and I haven't had another so far. Even my mindframe has improved drastically. I am hopeful, I am generally cheery and happy and I'm feeling good about myself.

I'm still challenging myself to eat better - focussing on how well I do instead of how often I slip up - and try to exercise at least once a day even if it's only 10-15 minutes. It makes a difference too. I'm noticing that I truly WANT to walk more now and WANT to eat healthier foods. Of course I still have my salty food cravings but I don't give it the energy and focus that I used to. Now I focus on the good choices I make and keep them in the foreground.

Things are well. Life is good.
  • Current Mood: happy happy
  • Current Music: Vienna - The Fray

It's just my opinion, but there is a lot of studies that support what I'm about to say.

Exercise may very well be the single most important factor in beating depression, and lack of it, may very well be one of the greater causes of depression.

Remember Mind, Body, and Spirit? If you let one of them go, then the others go to shit. *grins* Most people these days let the body go, because it's the hardest to maintain in a working world.

I'm really happy to hear you dumped the pills and the shrink. When you take control of your own life you have a much better chance of succeeding than you do if you leave it in the hands of others, and worse, drugs. Your Jboy contributes to your spirit and you can use that too.

You don't have to be a marathon runner to be fit and healthy in body, but it does take some effort to have enough. Setting a goal is great, if you're currently walking for 10 minutes, then try to improve on that by either walking your same route in less time or by extending it to 15 minutes. Don't beat yourself up if you don't manage it either, as long as you're doing something then that is much better than doing nothing. Is there anything else that interests you? Maybe a recreational volleyball league, or swimming?

My mother killed herself, and my father was an alcoholic. That should give a good enough indicator of what is in my genes as far as depression goes. The only time I've ever needed to use SSRIs was after having broken my ankle. I couldn't do anything for months. There were a lot of other contributing factors too, but as soon as I got back to playing hockey I was fine. The rewards of fitness extend so far beyond physical health that I think that our sedentary society is the cause for such an uprising of depression and depression related conditions.

I'm really glad to hear that you have already considered fitness in your plans to heal yourself. Keep it up. Check out yesterday's Psychology Today feed too, three articles addressed different things regarding fitness and the brain.

Good luck to you!
I agree with you 100%. Sometimes it takes me a bit of effort to get out the door and exercise if I'm not already out but if I am already out it takes nothing to do a little extra. That's where I've been trying to focus my energy until I get more used to it. I'm also trying to add things that I can do at home or at work like stretches. Eventually, I might try to get in some swimming at the school (if my tuition fees still cover that) and I've been giving some serious thought to joining a yoga studio. Right now money is tight though, so I try to do a little bit of yoga at home (I have a mat afterall!)

It really did feel empowering when I made the decision to take back control of my life and I'm glad that I didn't wait longer. Some of those withdrawal symptoms from those drugs are nasty!

Thanks for your comment, it really does reinforce what I've been feeling and reinforces the importance of exercise.