Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows
kaleekolai

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Thank the gods that's behind me...

I almost had a little mental meltdown on Tuesday night while I was studying for my exam. I hadn't realize just how high my stress levels had gotten. I was watching an episode of House and found the panic over a decision that one of the characters experienced to be very difficult to watch. I almost lost my mind.

The "good" thing about it was recognizing that I'd been stressed (I didn't think that I really was that stressed) and seeing that a lot of what I've been struggling with lately (my hair, self-esteem, worry) has been an off-shoot of that stress.

Last night, I picked up my essay (got 100%, as did almost everyone who handed one in) and from 7-10 pm I spewed forth every little bit of information about Buddhism that I could remember. My hand was completely cramped up but I'd written a ton of stuff. I think that I might have "over studied". I think I knew TOO much of everything and not just the key points, so I probably ended up writing way more than I needed.

I felt relieved to have it behind me and when I started reading one of my books on paganism (Dreaming the Dark by Starhawk), I truly felt the stress begin melting away. I don't know if it was just the fact that I was coming back to something that really resonates with me (Wicca/Paganism) but I do know that I immediately started to feel a shift in my mind. My sense of self, specifically, seemed to shift. I'm no longer worried about my hair (or lack thereof) and I felt at peace with myself.

It's amazing how nice it is not to have any deadlines looming over me. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
Tags: essay, exam, peace, stress
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