Nothing but Crows (kaleekolai) wrote,
Nothing but Crows

  • Mood:
  • Music:

[Living Buddhism] The Eve of implementing the schedule and the first "awakening"

Yesterday I chose to begin the process of living closer to the monastic lifestyle by not eating after noon. I have to admit, it was a challenge. We're so programmed to eat in the evening (and I'm bad for usually eating a very heavy meal for supper) that I found myself really wanting to pig out. I managed not to however, realizing that I wasn't physically hungry but rather that I wanted the tastes of things. It was all mental hunger. I ended up just having tea and a juice and then a can of pop (not the best choice, I know).

I spent most of my evening painting and finished a painting for the lovely Dee, which you can all have a peek at: snapdragon painting
I'm really thrilled at how it turned out. I really tried to use a lot of colour and make it vibrant. I used to be so afraid to use a lot of colour for fear of either running out of paint or making a mistake and not being able to fix it. Of course, that meant I had a lot of washed out paintings and I wasn't really expressing myself fully. I find that these newer pieces are really starting to bring out more or that expressiveness.

I went to bed at 11:00 like I'd planned and it took a little while to fall asleep but I slept quite soundly until my alarm went off at 3:30. I wasn't as tired as I expected when the alarm went off but I almost changed my mind about waking up. I did, however, overcome the urge to stay snuggled up under my blankets, got up and meditated for about 15 minutes. I started to realize that I was having no "success" with the meditation. My mind was just wandering, trying to get back into sleep-land and I almost gave up. I even laid down and pulled the covers back over me...but as I was lying there, I realized that I needed to get up and do this. No more procrastination. No more excuses. So I got up and headed to have a nice hot shower. I found it very relaxing and refreshing. It's so different having so much time in the morning!

I found myself getting hungry very quickly however, and had to have some breakfast. I poured myself a nice big bowl of cereal with soy milk and gobbled it all down. I need to make sure that I get more food than I did yesterday so that I'm not too hungry in the evening. I plan on packing a lunch for myself today since I do have some food in the freezer and cupboards that I should eat up. I won't be limiting my diet in any way because of the fact that I'll only be eating two meals and figure that it wouldn't be healthy for me to impose any restrictions at this point. That might change later on but I'd have to ease it into place and really, the only thing that I can think of that would even make sense to do would be switching to vegetarian and having tried that before and not having it work out, I kind of think it would be self-defeating to try again at this point.
[Edit]: Just in case anyone was wondering, although I'm only having two meals a day before noon, I will still allow for snacks throughout the morning. Also, if you ever feel like going out for dinner, I don't mind people eating in front of me as long as they don't mind me NOT eating in front of them! I'll mostly likely just get a tea or other liquid.

It will be interesting to see how today turns out with the new schedule. I'm still not sure if it's going to be appropriate for my lifestyle but I want to give it a fair chance.
Tags: living buddhism, painting, snapdragons

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.