Goth face


I find myself once again, to be the only single person among my close friends. I have been in this position before and for the most part enjoy my status as a single gal. I feel comfortable on my own and I haven't actively been looking for a partner. I find it curious though to see my friends finding partners. Part of me seems to react in a negative way to it though. I can't really describe it because I don't fully understand it myself. At first I wondered if I was jealous, then I realized that was not quite it. I want to be happy for them and want them to be happy; everyone deserves happiness...but there seems to be a certain... cynicism plaguing me. Again I find myself at a loss for words. I truly can't express the feeling. I fear I may have been acting strangely as a result of this. I pull deeper into my own thoughts more often these days...sometimes completely tuning out the world around me. Some days I feel very alone...other days I feel a sense of wholeness and energy coursing through my body. I'm coming to understand myself better and my own power. I believe I am becoming more attuned to my own needs and thoughts...though I still have a long way to go. As I sit here though, I feel as though there is something buried within my mind. Something that I need to know, but can't quite hear or understand. The message is just out of reach of my conscious mind. I would try meditation if I were able to do it, but I can't stop the incessant chatter of my mind and find myself frustrated or asleep instead. Perhaps I will just go for a walk instead...
  • Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
  • Current Music: Jewel - Foolish Games
Oh sweetie....

I'm going to be looking into Tai Chi Chuan, Wu Style. Perhaps you'd be interested in taking it with me?

check it out and lemme know what you think. I think it would help me with meditation. Perhaps you too?
Hope to see you at Mabon at U of T tonight.

There is a good book called, of all things, "How To Meditate." I am on my 3rd copy of it. It has a tendency to vanish when lent. Goes through several different methods of meditation.

"I would try meditation if I were able to do it, but I can't stop the incessant chatter of my mind and find myself frustrated or asleep instead"

Stopping the incessant chatter with out becoming self-impatient or falling asleep is difficult and I only overcame it through persistence. I have been meditating daily for 20 years, but I remember that the 1st 5 were plagued by both of those problems. The attitude is to accept them when they happen and just keep trying again.
I wish I could have gone to the actual ritual but my class didn't end until 8pm and I just didn't feel right walking in in the middle of the rit. I hope you all had a good time. I could hear lots of laughter!

I have so many different books (over 300) and part of me wants to see if I can find that one you mentioned but the other part of me knows that I'm not going to even bother cracking it open for a loooong time.

Persistence does seem to be one thing I'm lacking. I don't know why, but I just get bored with things and "give up". It's an awful attitude and I'm working on changing it, but I have to do it one step at a time. Going back to school is a big one. I finished a whole course...that was the first step. Now I'm doing two more. The change is coming slowly but I do see it happening in various areas of my life. At some time I plan on actually kicking myself in the ass and getting into meditation, but I don't want to overload myself with too much, and unfortunately there are a few things that have to take precedence. If only I could do it all at once!!! LoL
Actually, we were running late and what you heard was pre-ritual.

Well, when you are ready for it, I will lend it to you. It is currently loaned out to someone, so it won't be back for a while.