Goth face

Since then...

Seems I've gotten a wee bit lazy about posting... as in 4 weeks of laziness! I survived the blackout, and thank the Gods I stayed home from work that day otherwise I would have been on the subway right about the time we lost power! We lost pretty much all of our freezer food because we were one of the last places to get power back. Lucky for me I ran off to my Dad's place in Stratford where they still had power. It was a pretty fun weekend until Sunday brunch with the family. Allow me to start at the beginning:

They didn't wake me up to go to church with them that morning, which was fine with me because I'm not Christian. I usually do go, but it's mostly just because they like me being there. So I'm waiting for them to come get me to go for brunch afterwards and Diane comes home and asks me (seemingly out of the blue) what it meant that I was Wiccan. Now she's a religious studies major and knows a bit about it. I didn't really want to get into it, so I just gave her a really really short overview. She tells me how sad she's going to be that I won't be coming to church with them anymore and I'm thinking, I never said that! I leave it drop because there's no convincing her once she has something in her head...

So we're at the restaurant now, I'm talking with Michelle (my half-brother's wife) when my Dad nudges me from the other side. I turn to see what he wants and as I'm turning he says "Meg, tell Nana you're not a witch!" I almost died!! So here I am, at brunch, in a public restaurant with my Nana (grandmother), her husband, my half-brother, his wife and their baby...not to mention my Dad and step-mom. I swear I just stood there dumbfounded for a second or five, not knowing what to say. I think the first thing that came out of my mouth was "what?!". I felt trapped... like a rabbit in a snare... I didn't know what to say because the only thing I could think of was "Well actually I am" but I knew that was no good. So my Dad says "Just tell her you're not a witch" to which I reply with the only thing I can think of "Well I'm not a witch in the traditional sense of the word" (DOH!!) followed by "DAD!!! What have you been telling her!?!". He informs me that Diane told them all that I'm Wiccan and that's why I hadn't been at Church!!!So then I had to explain to the whole family what Wicca is. Seeing as I wasn't ready for this and really didn't want to get into it, I provided a VERY VERY broad definition. I was so angry and upset that I almost left the table. I talked to my Dad about it later and how uncomfortable I'd felt. He said that it was ok, he'd told Nana that I'm a good witch, and she said "oh well that's ok then" (she's from Romania, so I imagine was more exposed to this sort of thing). In any case, I'm still pissed about it, but glad that my Dad was more understand and also thought that it wasn't the best forum or time (Diane had announced this at church) for this to have been brought up. I told him it was like outing someone...
Dad: Meg, tell Nana you're not a witch
Me: Well actually I am a witch and I'm also gay
I mean c'mon!!!! You just don't do shit like that! Even if I'd been Jewish, it's possibly that I wouldn't have wanted the whole family to know!! aaaaaaargh! What is kind of funny though is that when I gave the above scenario to Dad he said "I don't think anyone would have been surprised by that anyway Meg. Michelle had already guessed." LoL OK OK, so I don't hide my Dyke-ness very well, I don't want to...but being a witch is something I DON'T want everyone knowing. All I have to say is thank the Gods I have such an open-minded family!

What else can I tell you? Oh yes... I got an A in my religion class! 86% to be exact! I was SO happy! Now I'm taking Anthropology of Religion and Sociology of Religion... perhaps you can see the theme? I think I'll enjoy them, though my two teachers are like night and day! One seems very stern and the other more "laisser faire". At least that's the impression from the first class.

I still haven't found love, though it seems that everyone around me has. One of these days it will happen and though I'd like it to be sooner rather than later, I'm not in a rush. It will happen when it's time...not to mention I actually have to get up off my ass and get out there to meet people!

Hmmm... I think that's about it.

Hmmm... strange.

I know I don't have a very good definition or label for myself in the religious sense, but that has most certainly refined itself that way. Whether it was then, when I would have called myself wiccan or witch (I had not much of a choice, I did belong to a coven) I really had no problem telling anyone what my beliefs were if they asked. They seldom did, but it came up enough. I had one accuse me of being a satan worshipper, and a few who thought I was a flake. With people who know me well enough, like my family or co-workers it never had any effect at all.

On the other hand, I've feared from the day I realized it (puberty) telling anyone at all that I like girls too. Even in today's wide open world, I'm still far more closed about that than anything else. I look like a vanilla het mommy from the burbs, and I'm perfectly happy to let everyone else enjoy that image.

It's the difference between "So she thinks she'll be reincarnated, is that any weirder than thinking she'll go to heaven?" and "Holy Fuck! She'll probably hit on me now!!" If they knew, I'm too shy to hit on *any* chick, then they'd realize the chances are greater that they'll be reincarnated, but I hate people stepping carefully around me because they think that would happen. As for my family (we're not close) I doubt they would care either way, but hearing the word "fag" spoken with so much ire in my youth, I'd even avoid that.

What's your reasoning that it happens the other way around?

hmm... that's an intersting question Valk!

I guess for me it has to do with the fact that being gay is just part of who I am, whereas being a witch is a choice I made.

That being said, I don't go around announcing either, and there are certain family members who I would never tell (if it were my choice my Nana would have been one of them). I do look a bit like the stereotypical "dyke" and I'm comfortable that way. I don't want to conform to hollywood version of how a woman should look, so for the most part I just do my own thing.

For me, I guess I feel that being gay is a little bit more ... common (for lack of a better word) and becoming more accepted by many than witchcraft is. I did grow up in a very open-minded home, but I also grew up in a family that is Catholic (my maternal grand-mother who I would sooner go to my grave than tell her I'm gay or a witch...though somehow I still think gay would be easier to swallow somehow). I guess it's partly because witchcraft was definitely seen as a straight way to hell, but not much was said about being gay... in fact I didn't know it was considered a sin until a few years ago.

That's really the best answer I can give you.

It's all based in the values of the people that you care about I suppose, although, every catholic that I know who is a practicing believing type of one doesn't accept either readily, it's more that gays have had a bit more time to make a public appearance.

Strangely though, I have voiced my beliefs openly at work, but never once would I ever let on that I was anything but a full-fledged heterosexual. I would openly support gays, but never admit my own queerness. On a trip, one of my friends from work (a practicing catholic) was appalled by the parochial school boy that wanted to take his boyfriend to the prom, yet was quite happily caught reading my book about advanced astrology and finding it fascinating. She also showed quite a bit of interest in a handfasting that I'd been involved in, and after my explanation of all of it, stated (quite accurately) that it's a lot like catholicism, but the saints aren't gods in their own right.

Again, I guess it has to do with the views of the people involved more than anything. Witchcraft has definite and strong roots in judaism, Catholicism and Celtic paganism are barely discernable from each other at times, and so many neo-pagan concepts have a direct correlation to hinduism. To the subjective people around me - they look at religion this way, while still thinking that being gay defies nature, and reproduction, and is creepy and weird.