Blogging and Diving Deep

I used to be an avid journaler. I used to write consistently on here and in my handwritten journal. Now, I find my days filled with time wasters like video games. I don't do the writing that I find so meaningful.

As is often the case when I find myself pulled back towards writing, I need a change. Something needs to give, and once again, I need to reevaluate my habits.

The list of things that I enjoy doing is long. The list of things that I am actually doing is short. I feel that this imbalance is creating a number of other imbalances in my life, and while so many things are going well, I am still struggling. It is all inter-connected.

I must relearn how to create. I need to dive deep and uncover what lies below. I need to reconnect with she who soars with eagles—she who is both fierce and loving, sharp and kind.

I now release this message into the universe and choose to help it manifest.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

(Writing) Brigit's Flame: Loathing Eternal

Topic: Loathing
Brigit's Flame: February - Week 1
Genre: Fiction
Word Count: 328

This is my entry for Week 1 of the Brigit's Flame challenge for February. It's short and rather stream of consciousness but I'm thinking it might be a good starting point for something more.

She stared at him with contempt, her heart beating fast and hard.

It had been several years since Alia had seen Julian and she had not expected to have such an intense reaction to him. He hadn’t noticed her. As usual, he was deeply absorbed in himself, expounding on whatever topic was keeping him at the centre of attention. Collapse )

(Writing) Brigit's Flame: A Tale From the Decameron

This story was written for the Brigit's Flame mini-contest, based on the painting "A Tale From The Decameron" by JW Waterhouse. I didn't have a chance to proof it and keep it at 1000 words before the deadline, so I apologize for it being rather rough around the edges.

Genre: Fiction
Rating: PG13, SFW, contains romance, mature themes and death
Word count: 1000

Surrounded by the lushness of the garden, it was easy to forget where they’d come from. With the sound of water splashing from the fountain and the sweet smell of blossoming flowers, it was easy to forget the devastation of the plague. But she refused to forget. Collapse )

(Writing) Brigit's Flame: Kill the Engine

Topic: Kill the Engine
Brigit's Flame - December: Week 2
Word count: 1003
Genre: Fiction

Intro: This is a fictionalized story based on a real event. It's probably pretty rough around the edges because of this but, as many of us know, sometimes the story chooses the writer instead of the writer choosing the story.

In memory of my step-dad, Jim.


Anya killed the engine, and was enveloped in soundless darkness.

It had been five years since she’d been there; five years since her life had suddenly changed. Everything looked different now, as though nothing had happened.

She sat in the car for several minutes trying to breathe slowly. There was a sense of nervousness and uncertainty about returning to a place that held significance; returning to a memory. Her eyes adjusted to the night sky, the same sky that had witnessed her visit five years ago. The moon had been a bright, full orb, gazing down across the fields saying, “I see. I witness”. Tonight, there was just a subtle crescent, surrounded by the tiny lights of a thousand brilliant suns that whispered, “We are gone too”.

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(Writing) BF: Lie To Me

Lie to me
Brigit's Flame - December: Week 1
Word count: 818
Genre: Fiction

“Thanks for coming with me!” He kissed her, “Did you have a good time?" 

She stared out the car window, watching the landscape go by in a blur. It felt like a dream. The snow sparkled in the moonlight, dressing the world in thousands of tiny diamonds that were reflected in the clear night sky. The smell of a wood fire burning brought her back to her childhood. A time when life seemed simpler.

“Play us another one Daddy,” she’d asked excitedly while dancing in front of the fireplace. He always did. He’d play for them until they ran out of songs.

Her mind came back to the road before them, visible only as far ahead as the headlights could reach. Like life, only a small part of it was illuminated, while the rest happened around you, out of sight.
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Lovely weekend before the sore throat

It was a really nice weekend here. The sun was shining and we had nice warm days to enjoy. It was great for going outdoors and taking in the fall colours.

I spent Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday morning with my Dad and his girlfriend. We always have a good time when we get together and this was no exception. We laughed, we ranted... we ranted some more and laughed some more. Dad beat me at several games of pool and his girlfriend beat me at one as well. I'm (obviously) not a great player but I enjoy it. Half of the enjoyment is watching my Dad's goofball antics while he plays.

On Saturday we got together with my Nana, my half-brother and his wife and their kids for Thanksgiving dinner out at a local restaurant. It was the first time that I've met one of the kids and the other is 5 years older than he was last time I saw him. It's incredible how quickly things change when you aren't looking. As usual, Dad got my brother in trouble with his wife - a particular talent of his - and had Nana "scolding" him throughout the meal. We're an odd bunch but it's all in good fun and we get along really well (although you might not realize it as an outsider looking in).

I got home late on Sunday afternoon and had some good company for the evening. It was nice and relaxing, consisting largely of good conversation and yummy pizza dinner.

On Monday evening, I started to feel a bit of pain in my throat and by the time I woke up yesterday, I was in a lot of pain. Today is somewhere in the middle with aches and pains added for good measure. On the plus side, it was a long weekend, so I've only missed two days of work so far (although, I have a feeling I'll be missing tomorrow too) but I know that there's going to be a tonne of work to get done when I'm back. C'est la vie! Here's to hoping one more day of rest will have me back up and on my feet again.
Penguin Love

Dear Journal...

I'm really sorry that I haven't written in you since June... I mean JUNE!! What happened?!

Okay, so a lot happened. J-boy and I have split up. I wasn't happy anymore and it didn't look like things were ever going to change. I'd settled on ending things and making the decision to do it felt right. It also felt scary.

It just kind of happened one night when we had a fight that I finally marshaled up the courage to tell him it was over; I was leaving him. The initial response I got was "you can't leave fast enough". Well, turns out that may not have been the truth but it sure made me feel that I'd done the right thing.

So, I started looking for my new home and found a place that I just fell in love with. J-boy on the other hand, didn't seem to be doing so well ... eventually we had it out about how we both felt. That was when the first bit of doubt started to creep in. I was second guessing myself and the decision to split up. Maybe we'd just needed to talk. I stuck to my guns though. I pretty much had to because I'd already gotten a new place that I really loved and paid my last month's rent on it...but I felt confused and uncertain for a few days, wondering if I had made a terrible mistake.

The feeling did pass after a few days and once I started getting stuff moved in to my new place (a million thanks to C & J and Eumelos for all their help) I started feeling even better. I feel wonderful in my new place. Even with the tons of boxes that are piled everywhere, this is home and it is a happy home.

Before anything got moved in, C & J came over with me and we did a house cleansing and blessing. C took care of most of it, leading me through parts for me to do. It felt good to start things out on a positive note like that. After we finished, we unloaded the bed they were nice enough to give me, and I was able to see just how much space I had. I couldn't believe how big my room was. It's always hard to gauge just how much space you have until there's some furniture in there to give it perspective.

With the help of Eumelos's ZipCar membership and C & J's little SUV, I had everything moved out by the end of Thanksgiving weekend. I couldn't have done it without the help of all of my friends.

The weekend that we finished everything up was a bit rough for me. I stayed up really late working at packing and felt like I was getting nowhere. C & J came and took charge the next day, getting me all packed up and moved out. The worst it got was about midway through the day when I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. I sat down for a few minutes, took some deep breaths and kept at it. The support from everyone (even my friends who weren't able to be there but I knew would be if they could) really pulled me through.

It feels so good to be in my new place. I love it here and I haven't felt this happy and positive in a really long time. Being in my little basement apartment with Apalala-Lizard-Face makes me incredibly happy.

I am overjoyed.
Balled up

Migraine season?

And with the rain comes the migraine. I trudged in to work long enough to realize that I was almost useless, which is unfortunate because we were already short three people. *sigh*

Feeling productive

I haven't been terribly busy lately and that's the way that I generally like it. I have, however, been helping out with suggestions and proof-reads of the templum_deorum FAQ. It's actually made me feel quite useful and productive do be doing something helpful. I also started jotting down a "shitty first draft" of a story that had be percolating in my head.

It was a rough week for me pain-wise. My neck and shoulder were bothering me a lot more than usual and I'm not entirely sure why. I had a terrible headache earlier in the week too but I was glad to still be able to function somewhat.

I'm really thrilled about the editing and writing. I kept telling myself that I wanted to do more writing. I wanted to sit down to actually get some thoughts on paper (regardless of whether any of it will be usable) and doing it was very satisfying.