City Girl

Random thoughts

Sometimes I find myself thinking about how I used to be, where I came from and how different or how much the same I am.

I remember being a teenager, singing out loud in the mall with my friends and laughing like crazy. I wonder if I saw the teenage me doing that in a mall today if I'd be amused or annoyed.

I remember running through the cornfields when the stalks rose higher than my head, climbing apple trees and pine trees and finding mystery in the forest.

I have experienced many things up until now and played many different roles. I have wanted to be many things. There are still some things that I would like to embrace. Some might be harmonious and others in conflict. Life is so complex that sometimes I can get lost just thinking about who I am. I try to see the world through the eyes of the teenage me or the young child me. I contemplate how different things will look as I continue to grow older. Sometimes it fascinates me and other times it scares me. I think I am most intrigued by the thoughts that scare me. They are the ones that challenge and bring growth.
Calm Down

Panic Attack Oddness

I'm having a mild panic attack. Not sure why but it just kind of hit me. Sometimes it's just like that. I must have some thought cross my mind quickly without consciously realizing it. Very bizarre. I've only been getting them rarely these days but it's often a mystery when they do happen. Curiouser and curiouser...

Beltaine and Cherry Trees

I didn't do a lot for Beltaine this year. I almost let it slip by me without being noticed. I ended up having the house to myself Friday night and had been wanting to try my circle casting again. Instead of using the written circle that I had, I focused simply on the elements as I walked three time around. It worked really well and I felt that the circle I ended up with was not only the strongest I've done but also the most cohesive and balanced. The word that came to mind to describe it was "woven". The circle was woven with the four elements. It felt good and I enjoyed standing within it.

I spent a few short moments focusing on fire. I pictured two giant bonfires on a hill that someone could easily walk between. The image lasted on a few seconds before I felt compelled to do a couple of sun salutations. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time and the appropriateness of it didn't really hit me until just now.

Today J-boy, his daughter and I enjoyed the nice weather by going to High Park. We took a ride on the little train, took some pictures and enjoyed some ice cream. The apple cherry trees are in full blossom and look breathtaking.

Cherry Tree Pics...Collapse )

In unrelated news, I picked up a copy of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight. I watched the movie last week and was underwhelmed but intrigued enough that I wanted to see if the book was better. I guess there's still a little bit of a teenage girl in my brain somewhere. I do not have high hopes for the book but my curiosity has been piqued. Of course, I've just finished Feast of Souls and moved on to the next book in the series, Wings of Wrath. So good. So, Twilight may have to wait a bit.

I also have The White Mare on my list of books to read. It was graciously donated by eumelosdrizzle and just from the bit that I've read so far, I'm not sure that I'm going to have much more luck with it than he did. The writing is just not... hmm... compelling? Of course, I'm not even a whole chapter in, so there's still hope... ... ...
Falcon Girl


I'm glad that it's the weekend. It's been a busy week and I need the rest. We have J-boy's daughter here but that's only for one night really and he's in charge of her.

Last weekend was a rough one for me but also good. I ended up walking down to the waterfront and sitting on a rock as the waves splashed up against it and dark storm clouds rolled in. I lingered a bit longer than I should have because I was caught up in some writing I was doing and ended up walking back in the rainstorm. It was warm and powerful and I really enjoyed it. I probably looked insane walking leisurely while everyone else was scurrying for cover around me. I didn't much care. I love thunderstorms; particularly when it's warm. I was completely soaked when I got back to the apartment but I felt refreshed and invigorated. It was quite the storm.

I've only managed to get one more morning yoga session in this week. Better than nothing! I've had a lot of pain in my shoulder and mentally exhausted so hopefully I'll be able to do more next week.

Last but not least, for those of you who celebrate it, Happy Beltaine.
Giraffe Bubble

Body and Mind

I'm feeling rather pleased with myself at the present moment. I've managed to get myself to pull out my yoga mat TWICE this week. This Tuesday, before dragging my sorry butt in to work, I unrolled it and did a sun salutation, which is a set of about a dozen yoga poses. I was still a bit under the weather, so the one set was enough to get me mildly winded. This morning I unrolled it again and did two repeats. I would have done more but I didn't have much time (having woken up a little late) and I was happy to have just taken the little bit of time to do any.

Yesterday, I decided that I was going to actively change my perspective. Instead of worrying about my appearance, wondering if I looked frumpy, fat or anything else, I decided that I would revel in my curvaceousness. I wanted to rejoice in the curves that many women have envied and many men have lusted over. I lifted my head high and allowed myself to believe that I was an incredible, delectable, drop dead gorgeous babe. It was incredible. I felt confident and uplifted.

Today on my way home from work, I grabbed some fresh veggies at the produce stand. They had white asparagus on sale, two bunches for $2, so I thought I'd give them a try. I'm not really a fan. But the stir-fry and rice was delicious!

I wonder what tomorrow will have in store for me!
  • Current Mood: pleased
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Damned if you do.... a rant

Well, I was feeling better this afternoon and decided to head in for half a day of work. I was still a little stuffed up but nothing so awful I couldn't manage an afternoon's worth of work. People kept complaining that I was going to get them sick and by the end of my required 3.5 hours of work, I was ready to be gone from there. If you don't come in, people complain that there aren't enough people at work; if you do come in, you're in shit for the possibility of others getting sick. Of course, said complaining often comes from the same people who have come in to work in WAY worse health than I did today. Realistically, I could be contagious. Hell, I could feel 100% and still be a carrier of something. But it's been 4 days now and I was feeling well enough to go into the office. It's so frustrating trying to balance the fact that I'm almost out of sick days (after losing my voice for a full week), being expected to come to work if you're feeling well enough (being a good employee) and staying home in order to ensure you aren't getting other people sick.

C'mon!! Give me a freaking break! I'm trying really hard to be a good employee AND good co-worker (sometimes those things feel mutually exclusive) but you just can't please everyone. Cut me some slack would ya?

Anyway, I'm just mildly annoyed and frustrated. I think I give WAY too big of a crap about what others think and need to think more about my own feelings.


Disclaimer: I know a few people were just teasing me but also worried about germs. I'm sorry. I'm not referring to you and really, really hope that no one gets sick.
  • Current Mood: annoyed
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Balled up


Well, I'm sick. I've got some kind of stupid cold that's mostly in my head but also makes my throat feel gross. Not sore but irritated. I've been sniffling and congested all weekend (yay). I've taken tylenol. No help. I've taken antihistamines. Also no help. I've taken a few Riccola lozenges. Soothing and tasty but no help for easing the symptoms.

Sooo... at this point, I'm just hoping that it passes quickly... well, it's already been two days of this but yeah, hopefully not many more.
  • Current Mood: sick sick
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Latest reads

Just finished reading "Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus" by Orson Scott Card. Loved it. Thanks to zinderfine for recommending it. I'd had it on my shelf for a few years and decided to read it after finishing R. Scott Bakker's "The Darkness That Comes Before", which I also really enjoyed. I'm definitely planning on ordering the other two in Bakker's series but probably won't buy anything else by Orson Scott Card, mainly because he chooses to put forth his personal prejudices (and hate) along with his professional image. No thanks. Love your writing but not interested in supporting you. I'd prefer to spend my money supporting writers that are either keeping their writing and personal prejudices opinions separate, or those that choose to use their powers for the betterment of humanity.

Now I'm reading the first book of C.S Friedman's most recent series, Feast of Souls (The Magister Trilogy). Really enjoying it. I love her work and the Coldfire Trilogy was probably one of my favourite fantasy series.

There's a reason why I own so many books. I really do love reading. Problem is, I buy books that I think I'll enjoy faster than I can read them! Of course, this is really only a problem for my wallet! ^_^
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Pensive Author

Late night inspiration - Circle Casting

Why is it that inspiration seems to strike most often right before I fall asleep? You know, it's that moment when you're lying in bed, all snug and cozy, just about to drift off and BLAMMO, you're struck by creative genius. This is what happened to me a couple of nights ago. I'd already stayed up later than I should have and was having trouble falling asleep when words starting running through my head. I'd been starting to drift off and knew that I had to get up and write.

So, at 2am I found myself sitting on the living room couch, scribbling furiously. I've been wanting to write a circle casting for a while now (it's on my list of goals) and that's what was running through my mind. I got a good first draft of it down before heading back to bed. I did some tweaking yesterday and I think I've got something that I'm quite pleased with now. I even tried it out in the living room to see how it flowed. The length seems to be just about right and I like the way it sounds when I speak it out loud.

I'm pretty excited to have it finished because I find it really helps me focus my thoughts (as I knew it would). I can't wait to try it out with friends!
  • Current Mood: pleased