Goth face

ruminations

I find myself once again, to be the only single person among my close friends. I have been in this position before and for the most part enjoy my status as a single gal. I feel comfortable on my own and I haven't actively been looking for a partner. I find it curious though to see my friends finding partners. Part of me seems to react in a negative way to it though. I can't really describe it because I don't fully understand it myself. At first I wondered if I was jealous, then I realized that was not quite it. I want to be happy for them and want them to be happy; everyone deserves happiness...but there seems to be a certain... cynicism plaguing me. Again I find myself at a loss for words. I truly can't express the feeling. I fear I may have been acting strangely as a result of this. I pull deeper into my own thoughts more often these days...sometimes completely tuning out the world around me. Some days I feel very alone...other days I feel a sense of wholeness and energy coursing through my body. I'm coming to understand myself better and my own power. I believe I am becoming more attuned to my own needs and thoughts...though I still have a long way to go. As I sit here though, I feel as though there is something buried within my mind. Something that I need to know, but can't quite hear or understand. The message is just out of reach of my conscious mind. I would try meditation if I were able to do it, but I can't stop the incessant chatter of my mind and find myself frustrated or asleep instead. Perhaps I will just go for a walk instead...
  • Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
  • Current Music: Jewel - Foolish Games
Oh sweetie....

I'm going to be looking into Tai Chi Chuan, Wu Style. Perhaps you'd be interested in taking it with me?

http://www.wustyle.com/

check it out and lemme know what you think. I think it would help me with meditation. Perhaps you too?
Hope to see you at Mabon at U of T tonight.

There is a good book called, of all things, "How To Meditate." I am on my 3rd copy of it. It has a tendency to vanish when lent. Goes through several different methods of meditation.

"I would try meditation if I were able to do it, but I can't stop the incessant chatter of my mind and find myself frustrated or asleep instead"

Stopping the incessant chatter with out becoming self-impatient or falling asleep is difficult and I only overcame it through persistence. I have been meditating daily for 20 years, but I remember that the 1st 5 were plagued by both of those problems. The attitude is to accept them when they happen and just keep trying again.
I wish I could have gone to the actual ritual but my class didn't end until 8pm and I just didn't feel right walking in in the middle of the rit. I hope you all had a good time. I could hear lots of laughter!

I have so many different books (over 300) and part of me wants to see if I can find that one you mentioned but the other part of me knows that I'm not going to even bother cracking it open for a loooong time.

Persistence does seem to be one thing I'm lacking. I don't know why, but I just get bored with things and "give up". It's an awful attitude and I'm working on changing it, but I have to do it one step at a time. Going back to school is a big one. I finished a whole course...that was the first step. Now I'm doing two more. The change is coming slowly but I do see it happening in various areas of my life. At some time I plan on actually kicking myself in the ass and getting into meditation, but I don't want to overload myself with too much, and unfortunately there are a few things that have to take precedence. If only I could do it all at once!!! LoL
Ritual
Actually, we were running late and what you heard was pre-ritual.

Well, when you are ready for it, I will lend it to you. It is currently loaned out to someone, so it won't be back for a while.